Director: John Moore

Writer: Skip Woods

Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Sebastian Koch

Tomatometer: 16/10/82 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Everyone’s favorite NYPD officer, John McClane, heads to Russia in search of his estranged son Jack, who has gotten into some trouble with the law.  Somehow, Jack has become the key witness in a trial that pits a merciless politician against a disgraced billionaire.  Needless to say, John gets caught in the middle, and explosions ensue.

Two Cents: The dialogue is terrible, the plot has more holes than the O-zone, and the acting is on par with most junior high productions of Cats.  But, it sure is fun to watch stuff blow up!  The movie is short, and a lot of the action is imaginative and exciting.  You can’t go wrong with a little John McClane on a cold winter day.  Don’t worry about learning the names of the other actors, this movie is like a Springsteen concert – it’s all about BRUUUUUUUUCE.  There’s no real connection to the other films in the series, but that’s to be expected (continue reading to find out why).

Over the past decade or so, the most common question leaking from moviegoers’ lips is some form of “Why don’t they make anything new, anymore?”.  As a movie fan, I, too, am upset by the lack of cinematic innovation flowing from Southern California.  Still, I can’t blame Hollywood for leading the Reduce, Reuse, Recycle movement.  Allow me to explain.

Picture yourself in an ice cream store.  There are two flavors available – vanilla and Super Fudge Celery Peanut Salmon Crunch.  What flavor is everyone ordering?  Unless you’ve recently experienced debilitating head trauma, you know everyone is getting vanilla.  Super Fudge Celery Peanut Salmon Crunch may be the best ice cream ever invented, but it’s going to take a lot more than a tiny spoon to convince people to try it.  Now, look at it from the scooper’s side.  He’s spent days, if not months, perfecting his new, delicious flavor of ice cream.  He’s also spent money on all of the premium ingredients that make up the final product.  Now, he needs to convince everyone who walks into his store to try the new flavor.  He scoops out thousands of baby spoonfuls, losing money each time.  Then, only a fraction of the people who taste the new flavor are willing to make a loving commitment to an entire cup or cone of Super Fudge Celery Peanut Salmon Crunch.  Can you blame them?  When you offer vanilla, it’s comforting to people.  They no what to expect, and only the worst version of vanilla would truly upset them.

Now, consider Hollywood’s state of mind.  A large movie studio – let’s use Universal – wants to produce a film.  Universal can pay a couple million dollars for a hot, new script that’s been floating around the agencies, or pay a no-name writer a few hundred thousand bucks to pen a screenplay based on existing content.  The writer already has an advantage, because he doesn’t need to introduce us to the main characters.  He can just jump right into the action.  That gets people in and out of the theater more quickly, which means more showtimes.  When it’s time to cast the movie, the work is already done. Universal has at least one star in place (thanks to contracts that lock actors in for all potential installments in a series), and often, a whole slew (e.g., the Ocean’s 11 and the Pirates of the Caribbean series), so, they don’t need to bring in any other movie stars, or a big-name director.  Then, when it’s time to market the movie, Universal can slap one catchphrase on a million billboards, and people will get the message (Yippe ki-yay…).  Plus, once they post a teaser trailer on YouTube, it is sure to go viral within minutes.  I could go on and on, but you get the point.  Universal can save millions of dollars on production and advertising, and bank on selling millions of tickets to fans of previous installments in the series.  No risk, high reward (especially if you shoot in 3-D).

Should I/Shouldn’t I: If you love action on the big screen, see this one in the theater.  It’s short, and the good stuff starts right away and never lets up.  If you’re looking for a good movie, you’re better off watching the original Die Hard a few dozen times.

Sundae Rating: One scoop of Super Fudge Celery Peanut Salmon Crunch (two scoops if you’re an action junkie)