Olympus has Fallen

olympus fallen

Director: Antoine Fuqua

Writer: Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt

Starring: Gerard Butler, Aaron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Rick Yune, Dylan McDermott

Tomatometer: 49/41/79 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Leonidas is a Secret Service superstar.  One Christmas Eve, he elects to save the President’s life, instead of letting him die.  The President gets pissed, subsequently throwing Leonidas off his detail.  Eighteen months later, with tensions rising along the North/South Korean border, the South Korean Prime Minister visits the White House, a.k.a. Olympus.  Things don’t turn out quite as planned, and Olympus falls into the hands of a terrorist.  Leonidas fills in for John McClane, who was filming something else.

Two Cents: 2013 is starting to look like 1998, 2006, and a host of other years.  You know, those years when Hollywood collectively decides XYZ is the hot, new thing, subsequently multiple movies about the ame thing.  In 1998, we watched Earth get destroyed by a giant space rock in Deep Impact, only to see mankind (except for John McClane, of all people) narrowly avoid a similar space rock-induced disaster in Armageddon less than two months later.  Similarly, in 2006, we were mesmerized by The Illusionist, the first magician-gone-bad movie in quite some time, just two months before its doppelganger, The Prestige, magically appeared at a theater near you.  With that same unbridled creativity, we welcome Olympus has Fallen, the appetizer to the main course that is White House Down.  In most cases like these, the first course is satisfactory, but inferior to the second.  (No Strings Attached (1/11) vs. Friends with Benefits (7/11)?  I rest my case.  [Fun Fact: Justin Timberlake starred {though, with his acting skills, I should probably use a different word} in FwB, but only after recording an album titled No Strings Attached with N*Sync.])  While Olympus is certainly a satisfactory action film, we’ll have to wait until June 28th to see if it can break the curse of the first-born.

Gerard Butler is a man’s man.  Sure, he plays soccer with Jessica Biel once in a while, but who wouldn’t?  Butler kicks some serious behind in this movie, but he’s a good enough actor to be taken seriously, even when the story takes a hard left toward ridiculousness.  He’s got emotion and charisma; he’s not just a The Rock with a gun, as is often the case with action stars.  Of course, this movie is about one thing – action – but Butler does a good job of keeping the viewer invested in the story, while none of the other actors/characters do much of anything.

As President Asher, Aaron Eckhart is lifeless.  As Secret Service Director Lynn Jacobs, Angela Bassett completely loses Stella’s groove.  As Agent Forbes, Dylan McDermott makes the closing argument in the case for TV stars to stick with TV.  Melissa Leo is unrecognizable as the Secretary of Defense (she won an Oscar, for crying out loud!).

During the third act, the movie actually becomes comical, ending with one of the worst closing one-liners of all time (possibly on par with the closing one-liner in Vantage Point).   Of course, I may be a bit biased here, since I once wrote a screenplay about the White House being taken over by terrorists, but at least mine was a comedy; I was willing to acknowledge the fact that the whole premise is a joke.  However, Fuqua does a good job of keeping the action going throughout the film, making the weak plot more than bearable.  Of course, that’s just putting a Bandaid on a cracked skull, but it’s a common practice (For example, this morning, on a Delta flight, I saw a man ask the flight attendant for “one of those seatbelt thing”.  A moment later, the flight attendant brought over a seatbelt extender, an extra strap and buckle to be attached to the man’s existing seatbelt, because he couldn’t fit it around his stomach.), so, I’ll give him a pass.  Furthermore, the entire film takes place in The White House, one of the most interesting buildings in the world.  I did a boatload of research about 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue for my screenplay, but I still learned a bunch of cool facts from Fuqua’s film (assuming most of the “facts” are, indeed, facts and not, simply, “facts”).

By the way, I’m 98% certain that this conversation took place a few years ago:

Film Producer #1: We’re making a movie about a crisis in the White House.

Film Producer #2: We should get Morgan Freeman to play the president during a crisis.  He’s done it a million times!

Film Producer #1: We totally should.  But, is it too obvious?

Film Producer #2: I know!  Let’s pull a fast one on everyone and NOT make Morgan the president.  Instead, we’ll make him the Speaker of the House, and people will be like, “What?  You guys are geniuses!  I never saw that coming!”.  Then, five seconds into the movie, he’ll become the ACTING president!

Film Producer #1: Let’s give ourselves a raise.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: I think there’s a Constitutional amendment that makes it mandatory for Americans to see action movies involving the President of the United States.  If that’s the case, you could do worse than spend two hours in a theater with Olympus.  Although he’s chosen some mediocre material this time around, and pinched a few pennies on the special effects, Fuqua is a supremely talented director (he helped Denzel win an Oscar for Training Day) working with a usually-stellar cast.  The final product is not nearly as great as the sum of its parts, but you will be entertained by Olympus‘s action sequences, the terrorists’ intricate coup, and Butler’s ability to not suck when so much around him is sucking.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

burtwonderstone

Director: Don Scardino

Writer: Jonathan M. Goldstein, John Francis Daley

Starring: Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Olivia Wilde, Jim Carrey, James Gandolfini, Alan Arkin

Tomatometer: 39/24/63 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Albert and Anthony, two nerdy middle-schoolers, bond over the abuse they suffer at the hands of the cool kids, as well as their love of magic.  Twelve seconds later, they are headlining magicians at Bally’s in Las Vegas.  Now that they’ve been performing together for 30 years, as The Incredible Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton, their magical friendship has frayed significantly.  When the mystifying Steve Gray (a David Blaine/Criss Angel hybrid) shows up on the strip, Burt and Anton’s ticket sales plummet, forcing them to find some perspective.

Two Cents: It’s fun to watch funny people have fun.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is exactly what you think it is.  Steve Carell does his best Michael Scott impression as Burt, a self-obsessed nerd who grossly overestimates his own coolness, Jim Carrey makes a triumphant return to his patented ridiculousness, and Steve Buscemi takes a break from running Atlantic City to show off the comedic chops that made him famous.  With mildly humorous input from Gandolfini and Arkin, this cast is a comedy lover’s dream.  The cast is far better than the material, but they do their best to make it work.

Magic is cool.  Magicians aren’t necessarily cool, but that which they do is pretty awesome.  This movie gets to the heart of the matter.  The task of any magician is to make people believe to be possible that which they know to be impossible.  Whether that impossibility is pulling a rabbit from a hat, sawing a busty blond in half, or making a yacht disappear (#GOB), the goal is the same.  With a quick misdirection or some deft slight-of-hand, anything is possible.  Similarly, with an adequately skilled cast of comedians, any script can lead to a genuinely funny movie.

There’s no question that Steve Carell is a bona fide movie star.  He’s got range, he’s lovable, and he’s a skilled negotiator.  When he left The Office, we all hoped he would go on to make groundbreaking and hilarious movies. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is neither groundbreaking, nor hilarious, yet it is an enjoyable comedy, and, if this is Carell’s worst movie, then we’re in for a fun career.

Jim Carrey must have been living a pretty exciting life over the last five years.  He’s certainly shown no desire to enjoy movie stardom.  It’s hard to argue that Carrey simply had  to make an appearance in this film, but it’s equally difficult to imagine any other actor doing such a great job of playing wacky douche Steve Gray.

Steve Buscemi was born to play introverted weirdos.  Sure, that’s not the kind of thing you want to hear in the speeches at your bar mitzvah, but it can make for a rather lucrative career choice.  On Boardwalk Empire, Buscemi has proven he’s a seriously gifted actor.  However, I’m sure I’m not the only one who hopes to see him doing a lot more comedy in the near future.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: If you like Steve Carell, and you’re in the mood for some good, harmless fun, you should see The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. You don’t need to see it in a theater, as none of the tricks require elaborate staging, but you’ll definitely enjoy the film when you get around to it.  Should you forget all about it by the time it hits your VOD list, that’s okay, too.  I think you’ll live.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops

Spring Breakers

springbreakers

Director: Harmony Korine

Writer: Harmony Korine

Starring: James Franco, Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine

Tomatometer: 68/62/56 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Four girlfriends, studying at a less-than-prestigious institution of higher education, pool their money for a spring break trip to Florida.  In order to make up for the group’s fiscal shortcomings, three of the girls rob a local restaurant.  Once in Florida, the girls party too hard, subsequently becoming involved with a visionary gangster named Alien.

Two Cents: The casting for this movie is incredible.  I don’t mean to imply that the acting is of a remarkable quality.  Obviously not – Vanessa Hudgens is in the movie.  Rather, the decision to put “Vanessa Hudgens”, “Selena Gomez”, and “Ashley Benson” on the poster contributed greatly to Harmony Korine’s success at shocking viewers with his story of a spring break vacation gone wrong.  Korine does a fantastic job of juxtaposing the carefree and insane-in-the-best-way spirit of the ideal spring break trip with the seedy, dark misadventure into which it can turn.  No doubt, many moviegoers will see the names of two Disney starlets and a Pretty Little Liars regular and assume that Spring Breakers is the Saved by the Bell: The College Years of the High School Musical franchise.  That assumption could not be further from the truth.  In fact, a group of six young girls (high school age) sat in front of me at the theater.  They were giggling with anticipation during the previews, yet left the theater en masse about 25 minutes into the feature presentation.  Sorry, girls, but this is your future.  It happened to Gabriella, and it’s going to happen to you.  Yes, your dads will be pissed, but your moms will be jealous.

Korine’s exhibition of the two sides of the spring break coin was so masterful, it actually reassured two strong feelings I’ve been experiencing for a long time:

1. It’s a damn good thing I never went on a “real” spring break vacation.

2. I am a moron for never going on a “real” spring break vacation.

For two reasons, I could not be happier with the timing of this film’s release.  Firstly, I was in Austin, last week, for the SXSW festival, but I didn’t have a chance to see one of the hyped-up Spring Breakers screenings.  Secondly, James Franco’s (a guy whom I want so badly to be awesome) street cred needed some MAJOR redemption after his worthless performance in Oz the Great and Powerful.  Thankfully, I made up for my mistake, and Franco more than made up for his.  As Alien, Franco updates his hilarious turn in Pineapple Express by adding emotional depth and a degree of menace.  Though he often brushes against the line between great acting and SNL-worthy foolishness, Franco always manages to pull himself back in time.  Not only does he steal the show (not a difficult task, considering the cast around him), but the man who can do anything proves that he will be a force in Hollywood for quite some time.  He also looks the sexiest he’s looked in years.

Let’s talk about the girls for a beat.  Vanessa Hudgens was awful, but she certainly achieved her goal of distancing herself from her mouse-eared past. Gomez was surprisingly decent.  I thought she would be terrible, but she was actually not good.  Impressive work.  Benson is the class of the group, and she may have a future in mainstream movies, but I won’t be betting my penultimate Snickers bar on that.  Rachel Korine was on the wrong side of eh, but I guess that’s to be expected, considering she’s the only member of the cast who had to jump through two noteworthy hoops to get the part – agree to multiple nude scenes and marry the director.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: The best thing about Spring Breakers is Harmony Korine’s direction.  Although the story unfolds like a choir girl’s revenge fantasy (a la Quentin Tarantino), Korine does a praiseworthy job of keeping the film gritty and entertaining.  The third-best thing about this movie is James Franco’s performance, if you like boobies.  If not, it’s the second-best. If you’re a fan of High School MusicalWizards of Waverly Place, or Pretty Little Liars, or if you’re pissed at Justin Bieber or Zac Efron for dumping your favorite actress-dancer-singer, that shouldn’t be the reason you see this movie.  If you’re starving for the first legitimately good movie of the year, that’s a pretty fair reason to see it.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops with whipped cream

Oz the Great and Powerful

oz great pic

Director: Sam Raimi

Writer: Mitchell Kapner, David Lindsay-Abaire

Based On: Novel (The Wonderful Wizard of Oz) by L. Frank Baum

Starring: James Franco, Mila Kunis, Rachel Weisz, Michelle Williams, Zach Braff

Tomatometer: 60/30/82 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: A youngster from Kansas get caught up in a tornado.  The youngster crash-lands in a strange and magical place called Oz.  The youngster is recruited by a good witch, in order to help defeat an evil witch.  Have you seen The wizard of Oz?  Good, so, you’ve seen Oz the Great and Powerful.

Two Cents: In the words of Frank Sinatra, I had high hopes – high as the sky hopes – for the new Oz prequel.  Okay, not really, but I did think it would be pretty cool.  Unfortunately, the film didn’t quite live up to my expectations.  I usually like James Franco, but he seemed to approach this role with the same vim and vigor with which he co-hosted the Oscars.  He does a great job with drama, and he kills it as a stoner.  For some reason, though, he can’t handle anything in between.  Apparently, I’m not the only one who feels this way about Mr. Franco, as he wasn’t Disney’s first choice for the role of Oscar.  Lucky for James, though, enough dudes turned it down, and he laughed all the way to the bank with a $7,000,000 payday.  Yup, seven million, and kisses from Mila Kunis.  Not a bad way to spend three months.

Speaking of Kunis, she proved that she will never top her performance in Black Swan, when it comes to playing the villain.  Sure, part of her problem is the horrendous makeup job that was plastered on her face during filming, but I don’t think Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell could have saved her.

How about the rest of the ladies?  Michelle Williams is such an enigma.  She started out as the drinking, snorting, fornicating Jen on Dawsons Creek (the greatest television series of all time), but she’s morphed into a church mouse.  She doesn’t make a peep, she rarely comes out to play, and she seems to think everyone hates her.  You’re a good actress, Jen!  I mean, Michelle.  We’re all sad that Heath is gone, but it’s time for you to smile, once in a while.

Rachel Weisz (a real-life Bond girl) looks fantastic (the best she’s looked since The Mummy), and does the best job of the three witches, which isn’t saying much.  She doesn’t get much screen time, but she makes it count.

What happened to Zach Braff?  Was he dead?  Well, if he was, he rose from the grave for this movie.  Braff plays Franco’s trusty sidekick, and does a decent job as a wanna-be Donkey.  I loved Scrubs, and I think Garden State is a great movie.  However, Braff is a poor man’s Woody Allen, at best, and he doesn’t add much life to this story.  Some of the other supporting actors (e.g., Bill Cobb) do a decent job adding to the fun-factor, but the only thing that really makes the movie interesting is the stunning visual effects work.  Unfortunately, those visual effects are only on display for about 20% of the film.

My biggest problem with this movie was Sam Raimi’s direction.  I know the story is based on children’s books, but that doesn’t mean the entire audience has yet to reach puberty.  Write this down, Sam: If there is a crowd watching two people talk, the crowd will hear what those two people are saying.  Yes, even if you turn the camera for a second, so the crowd isn’t onscreen.  Also, stop showing up for work with the libido of a 14-year-old boy.  You don’t have to dress your actresses based on what they wore in your creepy sex dream the night before.  Actually, I take that back, assuming you were trying to relay the ancient wisdom that any woman wearing a corset possesses magical powers.  Was that Confucius?

Should I/Shouldn’t I: If you see this movie, see it in a theater.  It’s beautiful enough to warrant a large screen, and there isn’t much else out there if you’re craving a magical adventure.  However, I advise you to temper your expectations.  You’ll enjoy the movie, but you won’t love it.  It won’t become a classic like its predecessor, and Franco’s performance pales in comparison to that of Judy Garland (Liza Minnelli’s mama).  If you can’t make it to the theater, don’t waste your money on the Blu-Ray.  You’re better off waiting for the film adaptation of Wicked.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops

Jack the Giant Slayer

jack giant slayer

Director: Bryan Singer

Writer: Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Eleanor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci

Tomatometer: 52/50/65 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Aladdin in trees.

Jack is a poor farm boy.  Isabelle is a princess.  Jack sees Isabelle in the marketplace, and saves her from some jerk.  He’s into her.  She’s into him.  Jack comes across some magic beans.  One of the beans sprouts a skyscraping beanstalk.  Isabelle ends up in the clouds, the prisoner of the giants living at 35,000 feet.  Jack and all the king’s men try to save her.  Among the search party are the king’s creepy advisor, who plans to marry the princess and take over the kingdom, and his wacky sidekick.

Two Cents: What a mess.  This film has all the markings of a forced kids’ movie – a drawn-out and diluted classic fairytale, hot, young stars hired on the cheap, serious actors embarrassing themselves in horrible bit parts, an overload of outdated action sequences, and pointless 3D effects.

I enjoy kids’ movies more than the average adult (most likely, because I have yet to grow up).  I also love action-adventure movies.  And, to top it all off, I firmly believe that there are human-eating giants living in the clouds.  Still, I found Jack the Giant Slayer only mildly enjoyable.  What did I like?  Go, go, Gadget arms!  (Get it?  I’m reaching.)  Bill Nighy should voice every CGI villain in every movie, from here on out (although, his performance as the leader of the giants does not compare to his turn as Davy Jones in the Pirates of the Caribbean films).  Also, Tomlinson is not ugly.  Yup, that’s about it.

Where in the Constitution does it say good actors have to suck in children’s movies?  Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, and Ewan McGregor are pretty much as good as it gets when it comes to acting chops.  However, they were all firmly outperformed by the horses in this film.  Tucci, my fellow New York City subway regular, was the most egregious offender.  His villain was not scary, menacing, manipulative, nor intriguing.  He was simply awkward.

Bryan Singer did such a great job with the first two X-Men movies (plus, he directed The Usual Suspects!), and I was hoping to see the same grit and action in this film.  Unfortunately, the characters were about as deep as the river in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and the action was less thrilling than a Chanel No.5 commercial.  I’m hoping Singer’s (and Hoult’s) imminent return to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters will prove a more fruitful endeavor.

Should I/Shouldn’t I:  Young folks might enjoy this movie, as it provides some clean fun and a large helping of things children love – kings, princesses, magic, knights, etc.  However, if you’re old enough to remember Y2K, I’m sure you can find a more useful way to spend your time.  Frolf, anyone?

Sundae Rating: One scoop

21 & Over

21 and over

Director: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Writer: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Starring: Miles Teller, Skylar Astin, Justin Chon

Tomatometer: 30/32/67 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Miller, Casey, and JeffChang, three former high school besties, are all about to graduate from different colleges.  Having lost touch over the years, Miller and Casey decide to get the band back together in celebration of JeffChang’s long-awaited 21st birthday.  Unfortunately for JeffChang, he’s got an important interview for medical school the following morning.  Fortunately for JeffChang, Miller won’t take “No” for an answer.  Unfortunately for JeffChang, Miller and Casey (who, somehow, got into Stanford) are morons (the lovable kind).

Two Cents: We’ve finally made it to March!  That means good movies are on their respective ways to theaters.  You know how people say the first few years of a certain decade are actually part of the one before it?  For example, 1992 was part of the 1980s.  Well, trust me, that’s a thing.  As it turns out, the first weekend in March is actually part of February.  So, we’ll have to wait a few more days for something truly theater-worthy.  (Hopefully, “Oz the Great and Powerful” will actually be great.)  But, I digress.

I’ll preface this section with the following disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER: I love movies about high school and/or college kids.  Although I had a fantastic time in my formative years, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t quite a few things for which I’d like to be granted a do-over.  Movies in this genre have a knack for making me feel like I’m living the exciting and carefree life of a take-life-by-the-horns teenager.  Although I don’t have much regret (there’s definitely some) about those years of my life, it’s quite a thrill to relive that stage of my existence, even if only for 90 minutes.

The first thing that drew me to the theater for 21 and Over was the fact that it was paying at a convenient time in a convenient theater.  The other was the cast.  While I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of Teller’s or Astin’s, I was very excited to them team up, as each played a supporting role in one of my favorite movies of 2012.  (Teller played the college baseball stud in Project X, and Astin played Anna Kendrick’s love interest in Pitch Perfect.) I was pleasantly surprised by their chemistry, and they made me laugh at least  six times.  Neither one will be a bona fide movie star anytime soon, but I would have no problem seeing them pop up in more movies.  I liked Teller’s performance more, but I don’t fault Astin for carving out a corner of the boring-nice-guy market in Hollywood (that trick has worked wonders for the careers of Mark Ruffalo and Keanu Reeves, to name a few).

This movie struggled with an issue that I’ve encountered in my own writing: Is there such a thing as too many movie references?  Undoubtedly, the answer is “YES!”.  Yet, we all love a good homage to our favorite films, as well as the thrill of picking up on a reference that flew over everyone else’s collective head.  This movie evokes Animal HouseCan’t Hardly WaitBeerfest, and even a hint of Van Wilder (one of my personal favorites).  The writer/directors certainly flirt with the line, but I don’t think they pass it.  I enjoyed the references, and I think they added some humor to the otherwise mediocre script (although, that’s a lazy tactic).

The supporting characters in 21 and Over are definitely there, but that’s about all I can say about them.  Miller, Casey, and JeffChang are the only characters that really get developed, but JeffChang doesn’t do much.  It was great to see Sarah Wright back in action (she starred in a short-lived, but underrated, series called The Loop a while back, when her name was Sarah Mason) as Casey’s love interest, but she’s no star.  There were a few characters that were just begging to be the Mr. Chow of the film, but none of them came close.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: 21 and Over has the moral of a One Direction song, and, at times, the uncomfortable seriousness of one of the band’s members calling himself an “artist”.  Nevertheless, I had fun watching this movie.  I liked the characters enough to root for them, and the shenanigans were often funny.  It’s not as good as Project X (not even close), but it’s better than College (which I didn’t hate).  If you need to be in a movie theater this week, you could do worse.  If you can hold out, wait for it to hit HBO.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops