Tag Archives: robbery

The Lone Ranger

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lone ranger

Director: Gore Verbinski

Writer: Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio

Based On: Radio show (The Lone Ranger) written by Fran Striker

Starring: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner

Tomatometer: 25/11/68 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: John Reid joins his brother, Dan, and a group of Texas Rangers on a manhunt for outlaw Butch Cavendish.  After Cavendish’s gang kills the group of Rangers, John, the lone survivor, teams up with a wise (possibly insane) Native American and becomes a vigilante.

Two Cents: Remember when Michael Jordan played for the Washington Wizards?  How about when Madonna performed at halftime of Super Bowl XLVI?  Few things are more uncomfortable than watching a former legend attempt to relive the glory days, only to fail miserably.  Okay, Jordan was still pretty good with the Wizards, but you get the point.

Gore Verbinski, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, and Johnny Depp once joined forces to create one of my favorite films of all time – Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.  Not only was the first Pirates movie intelligent, funny, action-packed, and original, it was completely unexpected.  Verbeinski hadn’t yet directed a mega-budget blockbuster, Elliott and Rossio had mostly worked on animated features, and Depp hadn’t played such a unique and transformation-necessitating character since Edward Scissorhands, 13 years earlier.  No one knew what to expect from the movie, and no one could have predicted that a Bruckheimer/Disney production would lead to an Oscar nomination for a vulgar, yet lovable, pirate.  After three more Pirates movies, however, the world knows what to expect from this quartet (sextet, if you count Bruckheimer and Disney as part of the team, as you should).

When this band gets together, we know there’s going to be inventive action, a healthy dose of Deppian weirdness, and a couple of long hours in between.  I love the Pirates movies, and I even love the Oscar-nominated Rango, another Verbinski/Depp project that was surprisingly fantastic.  Still, even I have to admit that the character development, plot twists, and witty dialogue that made those movies so entertaining have been on a steady decline since 2003.

Sadly, The Lone Ranger is the most glaring proof, to date, that this team of former all-stars is grasping at straws.  There’s some of inventive action involving horses and trains, but it works only as bookends to an otherwise dull story.  Depp’s Tonto is more awkward than funny, the dialogue is atrocious, and the other characters are barely one-dimensional.  The crime of wasting Tom Wilkinson, Barry Pepper, and Depp on such worthless roles should be punishable by 5-10 years of watching this movie play on a loop.  The one bright(ish) spot was a dark and creepy performance by William Fichtner, which only seems more impressive when considering the overwhelming ineptitude surrounding him.

Armie Hammer.  Armie freaking Hammer.

Hey, Johnny, it’s Jerry.  Good news.  We picked a Lone Ranger.  And, we only had to go to the 46th name on the list.

Is this a joke?  I admit I’m not very familiar with the Lone Ranger radio show or television program, but there’s no way George Seaton, Earle Graser, Brace Beemer, and Clayton Moore were this vapid.  If Verbinski had asked Depp to hold a broomstick with a mask stapled to it, it would have put Hammer to shame.  Note to casting directors: When searching for a talented actor who can do a legendary role justice, carry a two-hour, franchise-launching blockbuster, and successfully share a screen with Johnny Depp, your best bet is to steer clear of someone who got his start on Gossip Girl.  Do you remember who starred opposite Depp in the Pirates movies?  That’s right, Geoffrey Rush, a man who is one Grammy away from becoming the world’s twelfth EGOT winner.  There’s got to be someone somewhere in the middle.

I am a huge fan of most of the key players here, and that’s precisely why this flop hurts so much.  We can only hope the dubious (and Verbinskiless) Pirates of the Caribbean 5 (and 6) will turn this sinking ship around.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: The plot is flat, the twists are predictable, the acting is weak, the dialogue is laughable, and the action is sporadic.  If that sounds like a winning combination to you, be my guest.

Sundae Rating: Empty cup

Now You See Me

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now you see me

Director: Louis Leterrier

Writer: Ed Solomon, Boaz Yakin, Edward Ricourt

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Dave Franco, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Mélanie Laurent

Tomatometer: 47/26/75 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Jesse, Woody, Isla, and Dave are all middling street magicians.  A mysterious person in a Zuckerbergian hoodie recruits the four of them to perform as a team.  After a year of preparation, the Four Horsemen open their act in Las Vegas.  For their final trick of opening night, the group magically robs a bank, setting off an FBI-led manhunt and a slew of high-profile crimes.

Two Cents: Like many who saw its trailer, I could not wait for this movie.  Boasting a stellar cast and the combination of a classic film genre (bank robbery) with another that has long been under-appreciated (magic), this movie had “summer fun” written all over it.  Sadly, those words were written with one of these.

The first half of the movie is actually quite entertaining.  Some of the tricks are extremely cool (keep telling yourself they’re not just cheap cinematography tricks), and the story moves with the pace of a Formula-1 car.  However, the movie loses steam toward the end of Act II, as it turns into a game of “Who’s playing whom?”.

Let me be the first to diagnose director Leterrier with Shyamalonosis.  Now You See Me is doomed by Leterrier’s obsession with forcing a shocking twist at the expense of the rest of his film.  Like Shyamalan almost always does, Leterrier fails miserably in his quest, completely wasting a promising build-up and decent performances from Eisenberg, Harrelson, and Ruffalo.  A twist only works when it is supported by that which comes before it, and this movie’s not-so-big twist could be easily debunked by any of the scenes that precedes it.  That’s not a twist, it’s a lie.  (Out of respect for those who have yet to see Now You See Me, I’ll refrain from saying anything that might be considered a spoiler.)  M. Night would be proud of you, Louis, but he’s probably the only one.  Even your own mother thinks you stink.

It was great to see Dave Franco in another big release.  He had a respectable role in last year’s 21 Jump Street, but he has yet to reach the notoriety of his brother James.  He is a gifted comedic actor, and I’m sure we’ll be seeing much more if him in the future.  Isla Fisher must be an awesome person to count as a friend.  She’s married to Sacha Baron Cohen, and she seems to be a ton of fun.  However, even with the world’s greatest push-up bra, she’s completely wasted in this movie.  She’s not a great actress, but she can be entertaining and funny when given the opportunity.  Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine should have saved on airfare and sent cardboard cutouts of themselves to the set.  They could not have seemed more uninterested in this movie.  Mélanie Laurent (Shosanna from Inglourious Basterds) is pretty darn close to mesmerizing, but Leterrier did not get out of her what he could or should have.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: Don’t view the title of this movie as an obligation.  Now You See Me (or, maybe, you don’t) is a fun movie, but it doesn’t nearly reach its potential.  You won’t hate it, but you’ll most likely be disappointed.  With so many blockbusters coming out this summer, you’d be better off letting this one slip through the cracks and catching it on HBO next winter.  If you forget to DVR it, feel free to save two hours and just ask me what happens at the end.

Sundae Rating: One scoop