Director: Bryan Singer

Writer: Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney

Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Eleanor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci

Tomatometer: 52/50/65 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Aladdin in trees.

Jack is a poor farm boy.  Isabelle is a princess.  Jack sees Isabelle in the marketplace, and saves her from some jerk.  He’s into her.  She’s into him.  Jack comes across some magic beans.  One of the beans sprouts a skyscraping beanstalk.  Isabelle ends up in the clouds, the prisoner of the giants living at 35,000 feet.  Jack and all the king’s men try to save her.  Among the search party are the king’s creepy advisor, who plans to marry the princess and take over the kingdom, and his wacky sidekick.

Two Cents: What a mess.  This film has all the markings of a forced kids’ movie – a drawn-out and diluted classic fairytale, hot, young stars hired on the cheap, serious actors embarrassing themselves in horrible bit parts, an overload of outdated action sequences, and pointless 3D effects.

I enjoy kids’ movies more than the average adult (most likely, because I have yet to grow up).  I also love action-adventure movies.  And, to top it all off, I firmly believe that there are human-eating giants living in the clouds.  Still, I found Jack the Giant Slayer only mildly enjoyable.  What did I like?  Go, go, Gadget arms!  (Get it?  I’m reaching.)  Bill Nighy should voice every CGI villain in every movie, from here on out (although, his performance as the leader of the giants does not compare to his turn as Davy Jones in the Pirates of the Caribbean films).  Also, Tomlinson is not ugly.  Yup, that’s about it.

Where in the Constitution does it say good actors have to suck in children’s movies?  Stanley Tucci, Ian McShane, and Ewan McGregor are pretty much as good as it gets when it comes to acting chops.  However, they were all firmly outperformed by the horses in this film.  Tucci, my fellow New York City subway regular, was the most egregious offender.  His villain was not scary, menacing, manipulative, nor intriguing.  He was simply awkward.

Bryan Singer did such a great job with the first two X-Men movies (plus, he directed The Usual Suspects!), and I was hoping to see the same grit and action in this film.  Unfortunately, the characters were about as deep as the river in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and the action was less thrilling than a Chanel No.5 commercial.  I’m hoping Singer’s (and Hoult’s) imminent return to Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters will prove a more fruitful endeavor.

Should I/Shouldn’t I:  Young folks might enjoy this movie, as it provides some clean fun and a large helping of things children love – kings, princesses, magic, knights, etc.  However, if you’re old enough to remember Y2K, I’m sure you can find a more useful way to spend your time.  Frolf, anyone?

Sundae Rating: One scoop

Director: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Writer: Jon Lucas, Scott Moore

Starring: Miles Teller, Skylar Astin, Justin Chon

Tomatometer: 30/32/67 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Miller, Casey, and JeffChang, three former high school besties, are all about to graduate from different colleges.  Having lost touch over the years, Miller and Casey decide to get the band back together in celebration of JeffChang’s long-awaited 21st birthday.  Unfortunately for JeffChang, he’s got an important interview for medical school the following morning.  Fortunately for JeffChang, Miller won’t take “No” for an answer.  Unfortunately for JeffChang, Miller and Casey (who, somehow, got into Stanford) are morons (the lovable kind).

Two Cents: We’ve finally made it to March!  That means good movies are on their respective ways to theaters.  You know how people say the first few years of a certain decade are actually part of the one before it?  For example, 1992 was part of the 1980s.  Well, trust me, that’s a thing.  As it turns out, the first weekend in March is actually part of February.  So, we’ll have to wait a few more days for something truly theater-worthy.  (Hopefully, “Oz the Great and Powerful” will actually be great.)  But, I digress.

I’ll preface this section with the following disclaimer:

DISCLAIMER: I love movies about high school and/or college kids.  Although I had a fantastic time in my formative years, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t quite a few things for which I’d like to be granted a do-over.  Movies in this genre have a knack for making me feel like I’m living the exciting and carefree life of a take-life-by-the-horns teenager.  Although I don’t have much regret (there’s definitely some) about those years of my life, it’s quite a thrill to relive that stage of my existence, even if only for 90 minutes.

The first thing that drew me to the theater for 21 and Over was the fact that it was paying at a convenient time in a convenient theater.  The other was the cast.  While I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of Teller’s or Astin’s, I was very excited to them team up, as each played a supporting role in one of my favorite movies of 2012.  (Teller played the college baseball stud in Project X, and Astin played Anna Kendrick’s love interest in Pitch Perfect.) I was pleasantly surprised by their chemistry, and they made me laugh at least  six times.  Neither one will be a bona fide movie star anytime soon, but I would have no problem seeing them pop up in more movies.  I liked Teller’s performance more, but I don’t fault Astin for carving out a corner of the boring-nice-guy market in Hollywood (that trick has worked wonders for the careers of Mark Ruffalo and Keanu Reeves, to name a few).

This movie struggled with an issue that I’ve encountered in my own writing: Is there such a thing as too many movie references?  Undoubtedly, the answer is “YES!”.  Yet, we all love a good homage to our favorite films, as well as the thrill of picking up on a reference that flew over everyone else’s collective head.  This movie evokes Animal House, Can’t Hardly Wait, Beerfest, and even a hint of Van Wilder (one of my personal favorites).  The writer/directors certainly flirt with the line, but I don’t think they pass it.  I enjoyed the references, and I think they added some humor to the otherwise mediocre script (although, that’s a lazy tactic).

The supporting characters in 21 and Over are definitely there, but that’s about all I can say about them.  Miller, Casey, and JeffChang are the only characters that really get developed, but JeffChang doesn’t do much.  It was great to see Sarah Wright back in action (she starred in a short-lived, but underrated, series called The Loop a while back, when her name was Sarah Mason) as Casey’s love interest, but she’s no star.  There were a few characters that were just begging to be the Mr. Chow of the film, but none of them came close.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: 21 and Over has the moral of a One Direction song, and, at times, the uncomfortable seriousness of one of the band’s members calling himself an “artist”.  Nevertheless, I had fun watching this movie.  I liked the characters enough to root for them, and the shenanigans were often funny.  It’s not as good as Project X (not even close), but it’s better than College (which I didn’t hate).  If you need to be in a movie theater this week, you could do worse.  If you can hold out, wait for it to hit HBO.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops