Tag Archives: adventure

The Lone Ranger

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lone ranger

Director: Gore Verbinski

Writer: Justin Haythe, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio

Based On: Radio show (The Lone Ranger) written by Fran Striker

Starring: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Tom Wilkinson, William Fichtner

Tomatometer: 25/11/68 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: John Reid joins his brother, Dan, and a group of Texas Rangers on a manhunt for outlaw Butch Cavendish.  After Cavendish’s gang kills the group of Rangers, John, the lone survivor, teams up with a wise (possibly insane) Native American and becomes a vigilante.

Two Cents: Remember when Michael Jordan played for the Washington Wizards?  How about when Madonna performed at halftime of Super Bowl XLVI?  Few things are more uncomfortable than watching a former legend attempt to relive the glory days, only to fail miserably.  Okay, Jordan was still pretty good with the Wizards, but you get the point.

Gore Verbinski, Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, and Johnny Depp once joined forces to create one of my favorite films of all time – Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.  Not only was the first Pirates movie intelligent, funny, action-packed, and original, it was completely unexpected.  Verbeinski hadn’t yet directed a mega-budget blockbuster, Elliott and Rossio had mostly worked on animated features, and Depp hadn’t played such a unique and transformation-necessitating character since Edward Scissorhands, 13 years earlier.  No one knew what to expect from the movie, and no one could have predicted that a Bruckheimer/Disney production would lead to an Oscar nomination for a vulgar, yet lovable, pirate.  After three more Pirates movies, however, the world knows what to expect from this quartet (sextet, if you count Bruckheimer and Disney as part of the team, as you should).

When this band gets together, we know there’s going to be inventive action, a healthy dose of Deppian weirdness, and a couple of long hours in between.  I love the Pirates movies, and I even love the Oscar-nominated Rango, another Verbinski/Depp project that was surprisingly fantastic.  Still, even I have to admit that the character development, plot twists, and witty dialogue that made those movies so entertaining have been on a steady decline since 2003.

Sadly, The Lone Ranger is the most glaring proof, to date, that this team of former all-stars is grasping at straws.  There’s some of inventive action involving horses and trains, but it works only as bookends to an otherwise dull story.  Depp’s Tonto is more awkward than funny, the dialogue is atrocious, and the other characters are barely one-dimensional.  The crime of wasting Tom Wilkinson, Barry Pepper, and Depp on such worthless roles should be punishable by 5-10 years of watching this movie play on a loop.  The one bright(ish) spot was a dark and creepy performance by William Fichtner, which only seems more impressive when considering the overwhelming ineptitude surrounding him.

Armie Hammer.  Armie freaking Hammer.

Hey, Johnny, it’s Jerry.  Good news.  We picked a Lone Ranger.  And, we only had to go to the 46th name on the list.

Is this a joke?  I admit I’m not very familiar with the Lone Ranger radio show or television program, but there’s no way George Seaton, Earle Graser, Brace Beemer, and Clayton Moore were this vapid.  If Verbinski had asked Depp to hold a broomstick with a mask stapled to it, it would have put Hammer to shame.  Note to casting directors: When searching for a talented actor who can do a legendary role justice, carry a two-hour, franchise-launching blockbuster, and successfully share a screen with Johnny Depp, your best bet is to steer clear of someone who got his start on Gossip Girl.  Do you remember who starred opposite Depp in the Pirates movies?  That’s right, Geoffrey Rush, a man who is one Grammy away from becoming the world’s twelfth EGOT winner.  There’s got to be someone somewhere in the middle.

I am a huge fan of most of the key players here, and that’s precisely why this flop hurts so much.  We can only hope the dubious (and Verbinskiless) Pirates of the Caribbean 5 (and 6) will turn this sinking ship around.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: The plot is flat, the twists are predictable, the acting is weak, the dialogue is laughable, and the action is sporadic.  If that sounds like a winning combination to you, be my guest.

Sundae Rating: Empty cup

The Kings of Summer

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kings of summer

Director: Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Writer: Chris Galletta

Starring:  Nick Robinson, Gabriel Basso, Moises Arias, Nick Offerman, Erin Moriarty

Tomatometer: 72/61/83 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Sick of living with his miserable father, and hoping to impress his sweetheart, Kelly, Joe decides to run away from home and live in the woods.  He is joined by his best pal, Patrick, who is desperate to escape the claws of his own overbearing and unbearably annoying parents.  Somehow, Biaggio, a peculiar neighborhood kid, winds up on the team, as well.

Two Cents: Some movies are summer movies because they are released during the summer.  Others are summer movies because they celebrate the most wonderful blessing ever bestowed on a child – summer!  Not summer in terms of weather and Earth’s position in the galaxy, but summer in terms of vacation from school.  The Kings of Summer, as you may have surmised from its title, is in the latter category.

In this exquisite ode to the freedom and exploration (of nature and self) that are synonymous with summer vacation, three teenagers cause widespread panic as they courageously escape their mundane lives.  The only sad part of the movie is the fact that the main characters are so sheltered, they’ve never even heard of sleep-away camp, a modern and popular alternative to running away from home.  Sad as that may be, Joe, Patrick, and Biaggio make the most of their summer break by building a sweet “tree house” in the woods.  While living there, they encounter all the problems one might expect to befall a suburban teenager living on his own – lack of funds, lack of survival skills, and, most importantly, lack of deodorant.

Although the main characters seek freedom from their parents, that freedom is symbolic.  Not only do these kids live outside of their homes, but they live outside the pressures of teenage social life.  An athlete, a nerd, and a complete nut job become family, much like in The Breakfast Club, simply because they are together, and no one else is watching.  It’s a classic theme in teen movies, and Vogt-Roberts handles it beautifully.  I often remind myself that, were there no one on Earth but we two, Brad Pitt would consider me his best friend.

Robinson, Basso, and Arias are all solid in this film, but none stands out as a future star.  Arias is the most interesting, as he takes awkwardness to new heights, but his act probably isn’t sustainable.  Moriarty does a nice job as Joe’s love interest, but she may not end up being yours.  Nick Offerman is the real star of the movie, delivering his classic mean-spirited, dry sarcasm with incredible touch.  Megan Mullally puts her famously shrill voice to good use as Patrick’s insufferable mother.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: The Kings of Summer is the kind of movie that makes you long for your childhood.  If you’re not seduced by all the billboards and commercials hawking blockbusters this summer, find some time to see this indie.  It won’t be playing in many theaters, and it might not be out for very long, so get on your horse!

Sundae Rating: Two scoops with whipped cream