Monthly Archives: May 2013

Fast & Furious 6

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fast 6 poster

Director: Justin Lin

Writer: Chris Morgan

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, The Rock, Luke Evans

Tomatometer: 72/78/95 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Now retired from a life of street racing and crime, Dominic Toretto’s crew is recruited, by The Rock, to help track down a new crime syndicate that bears a striking resemblance to their own.

Two Cents: Fast & Furious 6 benefitted greatly from a scheduling conflict that could have proved deadly.  Released the same day as The Hangover Part III, Fast 6 found itself in a battle for sequel supremacy.  Despite the plethora of similarities between the two movie, Fast 6 beat Part III to a bloody pulp at the box office ($117 million to $50 million) during their shared opening weekend.  It doesn’t happen often in Hollywood, but, this time, quality won out.

I know, you probably think I’m crazy for using the word “quality” to describe a Fast & Furious movie.  But, I dare you to watch this movie and ask yourself this simple question.  Yes, it’s completely unrealistic, and The Artist had more dialogue, but this movie has some of the most exhilarating action sequences I’ve ever seen, as well as some surprisingly funny comic relief from supporting characters.

Between the insanely sexy cars, Paul Walker, The Rock’s arms, Jordana Brewster, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Elsa Pataky, Gal Gadot, and Paul Walker, this movie has some serious eye candy.  It also has Paul Walker.  However, this movie is not all style.  There is an unexpectedly decent storyline here, and it connects nicely to the previous films in the series.  Don’t worry about the storyline too much, though, if you’re not up-to-date on the series, as the film begins with a Ferrari-fast recap of the important elements from past installments, and there isn’t much you need to know.  Boy likes girl, girl dies.  Boy likes girl, girl has scary brother.  Multiple boys and girls drive cars and steal things.  That’s pretty much it.  Not only does the movie begin with the best series recap I’ve seen in a film in a long time, it also finishes with a fantastic teaser ending (though, not quite as awesome as my favorite teaser ending of all time), promising more glorious fastness and furiousness in the future.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: If you’ve been a fan of the Fast & Furious series, then you simply must see this movie ASAP.  If you haven’t seen any of the previous installments, don’t let that stop you.  This movie is so darn fun, you don’t even have to learn the characters’ names.  If you’ve seen some of the movies, there’s no need to see them all (although, you’ll like most of them, not including Tokyo Drift), but you should probably see Fast Five, just to familiarize yourself with some of the newer characters.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops with whipped cream

The Hangover Part III

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hangover 3 poster

Director: Todd Phillips

Writer: Todd Phillips, Craig Mazin

Starring: Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, John Goodman

Tomatometer: 21/19/88 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Alan has gone off his meds, and he’s too much for his parents to handle.  The Wolfpack agrees to shuttle Alan to a psychiatric facility in Arizona.  On the way, the boys are attacked by a criminal mastermind in search of Mr. Chow.  In order to save (white) Doug, the Wolfpack must track down their wacky acquaintance.

Two Cents: What do all great supporting characters have in common?  The word “supporting”.  In the final (please, God) installment of the Hangover series, Todd Phillips makes the grave error of attempting to turn a supporting character into a main character.  Then, in an unprecedented move that must have been sparked by a complete loss of brain function, Phillips attempts to turn an even less significant supporting character into a main character, as well.  I deserve to be punched in the face for using the following term, but I can’t think of anything more apropos: EPIC FAIL!

In The Hangover, we were introduced to Alan, one of the most hilariously clueless characters in buddy comedy history.  Zach Galifianakis’s performance was so inventive and refreshing, it set him down a career path that has, so far, been littered with discount copies of the same exact role.  In The Hangover Part III, Alan becomes the central character and, thanks to reviews like this one, Todd Phillips has finally learned what the people on Hoarders learned long ago – too much of a good thing can really suck.  Alan’s act gets very old very quickly.  As much as I love and admire Galifianakis, fifteen minutes into the movie, I found myself doing something I normally save for my private time – begging for more Bradley Cooper.

Not only does Alan take center stage in Part III, but he’s joined in the spotlight by Ken Jeong’s eccentric and thrill-seeking criminal, Mr. Chow.  In the first installment, Chow was a welcome addition to an already-stellar roster of comedic characters.  In the second, he was the kind of friend from whom you’d like to hear a story or two, but with whom you’d never actually want to spend the time it takes to hear a story or two.  In this installment, he’s just downright unbearable.

Think about some of the great supporting characters from comedy films – Carl Spackler from Caddyshack, Les Grossman from Tropic Thunder, and Farva from Super Troopers, for example.  All these classic characters were introduced to us by directors who understand that wacky supporting performances should be used like salt.  A few shakes  of salt can make a decent meal truly wonderful, but, if you let the cap fall off, the whole dish is ruined.

From the opening sequence of the film to the last, it is painfully obvious that Phillips has run out of ideas for his beloved characters.  Funny can’t be forced, and, apparently, neither can laughter.  As hard as I tried, I did not laugh out loud a single time during this movie.  You know you’ve wasted your money (luckily, I attended a half-price showing) when the big opening joke (the one that sets the tone for the entire movie) revolves around giraffes being taller than cars.  The film ends with a teaser (as every installment in a series of movies should), suggesting the possibility of a fourth Hangover movie, but let’s hope the promotional posters are truthful and “The End” really means the end.

So long, Alan Garner.  I sincerely hope we never meet again.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: You should not.

Sundae Rating: Empty cup

Star Trek Into Darkness

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star trek

Director: J.J. Abrams

Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Damon Lindelof

Based On: Television series (Star Trek) by Gene Roddenberry

Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Benedict Cumberbatch

Tomatometer: 86/78/89 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Captain Kirk saves Mr. Spock’s life, breaking Starfleet protocol in the process.  Kirk gets demoted and loses his ship, the U.S.S. Enterprise.  Meanwhile, a mysterious Starfleet officer seems pretty excited about killing his colleagues.  Naturally, the only man who can save the universe is William Shatner.

Two Cents: …to boldly go where so many have gone before.

Star Trek Into Darkness is a very solid summer blockbuster – it’s got action, adventure, plot twists, and a subtitle.  What it lacks is originality.  Sure, this sequel is entertaining, but, after striking gold with his first Star Trek movie, it seems as though J.J. Abrams is running out of tricks.  One of the great things about science fiction is that it’s completely fabricated.  There’s no limit to the possibilities when it comes to characters, plot lines, locations, vehicles, gadgets, etc.  Literally (used correctly, not the way it would be used by someone who was raised by wolves), the possibilities are limitless.  So, why can’t J.J. Abrams, the crowned prince of science fiction (and Felicity, oddly enough), come up with anything new?

I understand the requisite nods to the old Star Trek series and films, but Abrams does more than nod, he practically headbutts them right in the groin, making certain elements (especially the dialogue) seem awkward and forced.  Not only that, he nods to the nods!  At one point, the forced similarity between Karl Urban’s Bones and the original character becomes so annoying that Chris Pine’s Captain Kirk points out just how annoying it is.  J.J., my dear friend, if you think it’s annoying, don’t tell everyone you think it’s annoying, just take it out.  Oh, and a punch sounds nothing like a car crash – even in space – so, cool it on the sound effects.

Benedict Cumberbatch is becoming a seriously big deal.  If you don’t recognize him, you haven’t been spending enough time in a seated position.  He was in War Horse, Atonement, and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, among others, and, personally, I was first introduced to him (along with his Star Trek costar Alice Eve) in a great film called Starter for 10.  He is, by galaxies, the best actor in Star Trek Into Darkness, and he was a fantastic choice for his character, Space Hitler.  He’ll actually be playing a similar character in the Hobbit franchise, as well.

Chris Pine, one of my favorite young stars (and my personal choice to play the lead in a screenplay I’m writing), definitely holds his own, as well.  Not only does Pine attempt to save the universe, he (along with Cumberbatch) saves this movie from being somewhat laughable.  His Kirk is the most deeply defined character, and his screen presence is undeniable.  I happen to like a lot of the other cast members in this movie, but there’s so much cheese and nostalgia (to put it nicely) that it’s difficult to figure out who’s really acting (probably no one) and who’s just doing impressions.

J.J. Abrams is definitely at the top of the sci-fi mountain in Hollywood, but I refuse to believe that he’s at the top of his game.  Considering Abrams’s history with writers Orci, Kurtzman, and Lindelof (co-creator of Lost), I expected something groundbreaking.  Hopefully, Abrams is saving his tricks for the new Star Wars movie (Abrams is actually a fan of that franchise), because there hasn’t been a good one of those in 30 years.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: It’s summer!  You should absolutely go see one of the biggest blockbusters of the year.  Star Trek Into Darkness is fun and action-packed, and you will enjoy it.  As long as you don’t expect to be beamed into a dimension where cinematic geniuses break the summer movie mold and alter the sci-fi genre as we know it, you’ll be happy you went to the theater.  However, there will be a new space movie coming out every other week this summer, so, if funds are tight, feel free to save your money for a different one.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops

The Great Gatsby

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gatsby

Director: Baz Luhrmann

Writer: Baz Luhrmann, Craig Pearce

Based On: Novel (The Great Gatsby) by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton

Tomatometer: 48/32/84 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Nick Carraway moves to Long Island, across the bay from his cousin Daisy and her wealthy husband, Tom.  Nick’s next-door neighbor, and eventual bossom buddy, is a reclusive millionaire named Jay Gatsby.  Gatsby often throws lavish parties and spends much of his time with celebrities and politicians.  For some reason, though, Gatsby takes special interest in Daisy.

Two Cents: Baz Luhrmann can’t see the forest for the trees.

A few years ago, I had an argument with a writing partner over a screenplay on which we had been working.  He wanted the screenplay to read like a Mitch Hedberg routine – one-liner after one-liner.  Eventually, I successfully explained that he was getting caught up in the details.  The two most important elements of any movie are its story and its characters.  If you’ve got a good story, with intriguing plot points and developed characters, that story can be greatly enhanced with a well-timed joke, the perfect song, an authentic costume, or a unique camera angle.  However, it doesn’t work the other way around.  A laundry list of fancy details can’t save a weak story with insipid characters.

Baz Luhrmann has always strived to blend filmmaking with other artforms.  He’s clearly a fan of music, theater, architecture, dance, fashion, and loads of additional creative pastimes.  Unfortunately, in his re-imagining of Fitzgerald’s classic tale, Luhrmann has completely forgotten to tell the story.  He’s focused all of his energy on the artistic details of his film, almost as if he assumes his entire audience has already read the novel, letting him off the hook of bothering to retell it.  The costumes are gorgeous, the set pieces are stunning, and the artistry is top-notch (Expect a few Oscar nominations, including one for Luhrmann’s wife, costume designer Catherine Martin.), but Luhrmann has fallen far short of his (presumed) goal of making a great film.  On the other hand, if I’m mistaken, and his goal was to make an eye-popping, yet mind-numbing, waste of time, then bravo!

The cast doesn’t help Luhrmann out too much, either.  Leo is a god.  If he were a woman, he’d have Meryl Streep doing his laundry.  Although his performance as Gatsby doesn’t rank as one of his best, he clearly outshines the film’s other stars.  Joel Edgerton and Carey Mulligan seem to be trying their best, but Luhrmann spends no time at all developing their characters (some of that blame can be placed on Fitzgerald’s shoulders).  Edgerton also needs to take a lesson from Leo on pulling off an accent.  Tobey Maguire is as boring as he always is, but he throws in his signature angry face a couple of times, prompting the viewer to consider the possibility that Maguire’s friendship with DiCaprio isn’t the only reason he’s in the movie.  It probably is the only reason, but, at least, there’s a shred of doubt.

Finally, we come to Jay-Z.  Lots of hype surrounded the announcement that Hov himself would be compiling the soundtrack for Gatsby.  Luhrmann had the idea of making Gatsby’s parties seem more enticing to people who are actually alive by combining the culture of the 1920s with today’s music.  If you’re looking to mix anything with hip-hop, Jigga is a good person to have in your corner.  However, Luhrmann probably could have knocked a few million dollars off the budget, had he just handed a production assistant a note that read, “Download some Jay-Z and Beyoncé songs.”  Yes, the music is great, and the soundtrack will sell nicely (If you’re one of the six humans who has purchased a soundtrack in the last 15 years, you’ll probably buy this one, too.), but the soundtrack isn’t more front-and-center than the soundtrack in any other movie.  Some “live” performances of the songs would have gone a long way.  You got Andre 3000 to cover an Amy Winehouse song, but you didn’t put him in the movie?  The guy was born to play a ’20s entertainer!  That’s like asking Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to help you get something off the middle shelf at the supermarket.  Jay-Z may be a musical genius, but even the self-proclaimed Michael Jordan of rap couldn’t save this mess of a movie.  Thanks to Gatsby‘s scores on Rotten Tomatoes, Mr. Carter is now a member of the 40/30 club, as well.  

Should I/Shouldn’t I: If you’re curious, I understand.  However, there’s really no reason for you to see this movie.  If you download the soundtrack and flip through some still photography of the sets and costumes, you’ll get the point and you’ll save two hours.  You can spend that time reading the Cliffs Notes, instead.

Sundae Rating: One scoop

Mud

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mud poster

Director: Jeff Nichols

Writer: Jeff Nichols

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Tye Sheridan, Jacob Lofland, Reese Witherspoon

Tomatometer: 98/97/88 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Two kids from Arkansas, Ellis and Neckbone, find a boat in a tree.  As any betting man might suspect, Matthew McConaughey is living in the boat in the tree.  McConaughey is laying low as he waits for his girl, Juniper, to meet up with him, so they can run away together.  He asks the boys to help find Juniper, but some bad news may have found her, already.

Two Cents: Before I go any further, the answer to your question is, “yes”. Indeed, McConaughey takes his shirt off.  Let’s continue.

There’s a saying in Hollywood that goes something like, “One for you, one for me”.  The idea behind that saying is that an actor – a real actor, not Justin Timberlake – must shoot a movie with mass appeal (a potential blockbuster) before he can take a role in a movie about which he is truly passionate (an indie).  Otherwise, he’ll fall out of the spotlight, won’t make any money, and will lose the liberty of, sometimes, working on low-budget passion projects.  Remember when Tom Hanks starred in The Da Vinci Code?  He quickly followed that with Charlier Wilson’s War.  Brad Pitt chased Mr. and Mrs. Smith with Babel, Ocean’s Thirteen with The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and Megamind with The Tree of Life.  Tom Cruise is the king of 14U14M.  He’s followed Mission: Impossible with Jerry Maguire, M:I-2 withVanilla Sky, Minority Report with The Last Samurai, M:I-3 with Lions for Lambs, and Tropic Thunder with Valkyrie.  Essentially, the idea is that the movies an actor does between his (or her) blockbusters prove what kind of actor he is, wants to be, or thinks he is.  Okay, you get the point.

For years, Matthew McConaughey waved a white flag and surrendered all hope for being considered a “real” actor.  From 2002 through 2009, McC starred in Reign of Fire, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Tiptoes, Sahara, Two for the Money, Failure to Launch, We Are Marshall, Fool’s Gold, Tropic Thunder, and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.  (On some planets, 2008’s Surfer, Dude might be considered a passion project, so I’ll leave that one out.)  McC had been headed down a path of Affleckian forgetfulness.  Then, like the bearded Ben himself, McC pulled a career 180 in 2011.  Following his turn in The Lincoln Lawyer, Matt has starred in Bernie, Killer Joe, The Paperboy, Magic Mike, and Mud, all indies.  Not only has McC shown a new dedication to independent film, he even won his first Independent Spirit Award for his portrayal of Dallas in Magic Mike.  Apparently, he does believe in 14U14M, only he thought it meant one decade for you and one decade for me.  Of course, there’s still plenty of time for McC to stabilize or screw up his career trajectory, but if he continues down his current path, we can expect to see a whole new level of artistry from this formerly bald Texan.

Back to Mud. Although it technically premiered in 2012 (at the Cannes Film Festival), Mud might be my favorite film of 2013, so far.  It is the story of an unlikely friendship between Ellis, a young boy going through some difficulties at home, and Mud, a man on the run.  Both children of the Mississippi River, Ellis and Mud share an unwavering belief in the power of love.  The river is used as a strong symbol of dedication and loyalty throughout the movie.  

The acting from the two leads is simply exquisite.  McConaughey doesn’t quite reinvent himself, but he basically takes all the good things we’ve seen him do over the years and funnels them into a single performance.  Tye Sheridan, who plays Ellis (and played one of Brad Pitt’s sons in Tree of Life), does an outstanding job carrying the story from start to finish.  He and Jacob Lofland, who plays Neckbone, make yet another case for the difference between child actors and actors who happen to still be children.  Lindsay Lohan was a child actor.  Sheridan and Lofland have more talent in their earlobes than Lohan has MDMA in her entire body.

Reese Witherspoon doesn’t do anything too noteworthy, but she does do  a fine impersonation of someone who clearly has experience with being pulled over for a DUI.  The rest of the cast is very solid, as well.  Michael Shannon (who previously worked with Nichols on Shotgun Stories) is one of my favorite actors, so it was nice to see him, even in a small role.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: I’m extremely bummed about Mud being released in April, as I firmly believe it would have gotten some serious Oscar buzz as a December release.  (There’s still hope!  Best Picture winner The Hurt Locker was released in June.)  However, it is a privilege to see a quality film right before we all get beaten senseless by the impending barrage of summer blockbusters (or, “for you” films).  You should absolutely see Mud.  There’s no question about that.  If you prefer to see movies at home, there’s no need to see this one in a theater.  There are no special effects that demand a silver screen, but Jeff Nichols’s outstanding third film certainly demands your attention.  You may even stop wanting to punch Matthew McConaughey in the face.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops with whipped cream and hot fudge

Pain & Gain

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pain gain pic

Director: Michael Bay

Writer: Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely, Pete Collins (based on magazine articles by)

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub, Ed Harris, Rob Corddry

Tomatometer: 48/49/61 (all critics, top critics, audience)

Spoiler-free Summary: Mark Wahlberg, a body-building fitness fanatic, develops an obsession with being a “doer”.  Unfortunately for Mark, his idea of being a doer involves kidnapping and robbing millionaires.  In hopes of completing his self-assigned mission, Marky Mark recruits a team of less-than-intelligent sidekicks, including Anthony Mackie, The Rock, and an objectively attractive performance artist.  Okay, she’s a smokin’ hot build-a-stripper.

Two Cents: In the words of a late-night talk show host after Nate Ruess’s band performs on his show: That was fun.  These days, few people truly stand for something.  Sure, Barack Obama stands for healthcare reform, and Justin Bieber stands for high-top sneakers, but no one stands for anything the way Michael Bay stands for mindless fun.  No, his movies haven’t been legitimately good since The Rock, but it’s scientifically impossible to walk out of a Michael Bay movie without a smile and a desire to blow something the hell up.

Pain & Gain is a true story, but you won’t believe it.  In fact, during one of the more entertaining sequences in the movie, Bay quickly pauses the action in order to remind the audience that the story is, in fact, a true one.

Mark Wahlberg is a pretty decent actor, but there was no need for him to show off his acting skills in this movie.  All he had to bring was his glistening pair of guns.  If you were wondering why Mark’s sleeves were holding on for dear life at the Oscars, now, you know why.  As the leader of the Sun Gym Gang, Mark does a masterful job of combining of brazenness, stupidity, and taking oneself way too seriously.

Anthony Mackie is dependable, as always, and The Rock is FINALLY doing exactly what he was born to do.  The Schwarzeneggerness of the three main actors is as awesome as awesome gets.  The Rock is so physically perfect, I am 83% certain that he had his old football pads implanted beneath his skin.  If I didn’t firmly believe that anyone using it deserves a punch square in the face, I would be tempted to use the word  “ridonculous” to describe The Rock’s arms and chest.

Rob Corddry, Ed Harris, Rebel Wilson, and Ken Jeong do a nice job filling out the supporting roles, but Tony Shalhoub is quite surprising.  After three dozen seasons of Monk, which were viewed by seven people, Shalhoub built a persona of being kind and awkward.  In this movie, however, he gets downright repulsive as the Sun Gym Gang’s first target.  Tony’s philosophical discussions with His Rockness are particularly entertaining.

Should I/Shouldn’t I: Take off your fedora, your indoor scarf, your summer-only winter hat, and your bow tie and sit your ass in a movie theater.  If you have the ability to admit that you like to be entertained in a non-ironic way, then you should see Pain & Gain.  It’s not a good movie.  It’s just not.  Still, the story is remarkable, and the movie is a Paula Dean-sized helping of fun.  Do you like muscles?  Do you like laughing at stupid people?  Do you like comedy?  Do you like hot strippers who have no logical place in a story, but manage to pop up quite often, anyway? Of course, you do!  Personally, I only like that stuff ironically, but that’s only because I’m cooler than you are.

Sundae Rating: Two scoops